Friday, 5 April 2013

the world can show nothing to me

Hi guys yo guys hey it's me again

(4 new records I got from st. luke's for 80p.)

I was watching iCarly for the first time in a while with my sister today and something hit me suddenly. There have been continuous adverts for an 'iGoodbye' or something (can't really remember) but apparently the last ever episode of the show is going to be aired in two days time and it just made me feel weird, put simply. I've spent a good part of my life watching that show and I think that seeing as it started when they were all thirteen-ish, it seems, as with all child actors I guess, that they are or should be somehow immortalised in those thirteen-year-old bodies forever. It feels strange to see them as fully grown adults, it's almost scary woah. How did Miranda Cosgrove turn twenty so quickly? The little eleven year old from Drake and Josh? My new Beach Boys album comes into this post kinda well actually because of course:

"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long."

One of the things a kid wants to do the most would probably be to 'grow up' and be treated like an adult. But we don't realise then that with growing up comes so much more - general responsibility for one, and yet more freedom, yet still more chores and more work - right now I'm internally screaming "let me stay fifteen forever!"

I know of course that you are as young as you feel, and most of the time I do feel I am about nine in my head, but sometimes I get a bit worried that I won't feel that inner nine year old reaching out to me, and that eventually it will turn into a ten year old, then an eleven year old and so on. I think I just need to remember that whenever I feel I need an immaturity boost, I can just watch the spongebob movie (which I know off by heart). In school I'm the only one who still laughs at the mention of the word 'poo' and even though the laughing spreads around through my friends everyone else just looks at me funny. But you know what? I don't care about that anymore. Let me giggle at poo and boobies!!!!!!!!!

Saying this now has just made me think of a post by Hollie from a while back and thus I give you drum roll please something cool she drew here (which I totally don't stalkerishly have saved on my phone) (if you're reading this Hollie I hope you don't mind)

It's things like that what make you realise that we really are growing up incredibly fast, and now I feel like I need to make the most of ze old youth because well it's true what they say, isn't it? - life really is short. Some days I won't leave the house of my own accord, maybe because I'm too lazy or tired or just not bothered, but either way it will end in me overthinking the theory that I AM WASTING MY LIFE and I MUST DO STUFF OR DIE and it depresses me. I'm not very creative, and I wish so much that I was, but I don't have a very good mind to think of my own things to draw and make and so before I know it more than half the day has been spent in bed. I was looking forward to this three week break from schoolwork so that I could really focus on trying to extract any amount of imagination from myself but so far all I've done is thought of two new ways to not feel sick after eating too much chocolate. (1. stop eating more stuff on top of it  2. have water and watch some f.r.i.e.n.d.s)

There are so many people on the internet that admittedly I envy a tiny bit, purely on the basis that they have super rad interesting thoughts and ways of going about things, when sometimes I just feel like a bit of a useless lump sittin' around hoping that one day I can be something like them. So I've decided to do more things with myself and step out of my comfort zones and venture into the wilderness more to try and stimulate my currently non-existent mind-of-my-own. If that makes any sense.

Moving onwards and upwards as they say, here are some pictures I took today. (omg that rhymed I'm a poet and I didn't know it) Sorry about the quality!

Trying to be Helena Bonham Carter in this photo

New supa disco shirt

Sort of finished a painting zomgazomg (for art, from this. I'm doing the french revolution.) (her face went super wrong)

I'll end with the second part of the first verse of that beach boys tune:

"And wouldn't it be nice to live together 
In the kind of world where we belong"

And this is my all time favourite song of theirs. These might be the beginnings of a serious infatuation with them, so beware.

Jemima xxxxxxxxxx

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